When “I will be back” is not good enough
Does this sound familiar…
You are super excited to go out. Your little one starts to scream when you are getting ready. You begin to doubt yourself. You start to think it would be so much easier to just stay home.
Or what about this…
Your child is enrolled in a program or class that it just for them. Your child was pretty excited about it. The day comes when the program happens. Your little one is refusing to get ready, crying as you are going out the door or starts to cry when you get there.
It can be so hard as a parent when your child is struggling with separating from you. I understand this completely!! Our young man has gone through struggles with separating from us, especially me. I honestly have shed many tears over this.
The fact is, it is very normal for children to experience separation anxiety.
There are a few steps that will help your child with transitions and separation. The steps are as follows:
1. Allow your child to be upset.
We will often try to stop our child from being upset. If they are expressing their emotions we will ask them to stop crying. My belief is that the emotion is better out than in. Once your child is able to express their feelings it gives you an opportunity to figure out what is driving their behaviour.
2. Transitional Object
Giving your child a comfort object to keep with them. If your child already has a lovey this may work. I find that the best object is something of mine that my son really thinks I need. I used to give him my key ring and a business card. The key ring is something I always use. Whenever I came home or picked him up he would give it back to me.
Another really good item to use as a transitional object, especially for bedtime, is a piece of your clothing that has your scent on it. Our little man will go into my closet when I am not home at bedtime and help himself to a shirt of mine he wants to sleep with. He has even ended up with my pyjama bottoms on more than one occasion.
3. Keeping your emotions in check
This can be easier said than done. When your little one is struggling with the separation it can be heart-wrenching. It is not the end of the world if your child sees you cry; however, it is important for your child to see you express your emotion while you move forward with the plan.
This means that you keep going out or you continue to bring your child to the program. Over time the separation anxiety will reduce. If there are still issues than I would look at the program to make sure it is a good fit for your child. I would do this after 8 weeks. All behaviour can take up to 8 weeks to see a complete change.
5. Be Present
When you return to pick your child up or when you see your child after you return from your outing, make sure you pay attention to your child. Spend lots of time connecting and playing with your child.
As with all things parenting there is no one solution that is right for all children; however, these tips should help get you on your way. If you would like to have solutions that are suited for your particular situation, please book a free 15 minute consultation by clicking on this link.
If the separation anxiety is something that has been going on for a long time you may want to inform your child’s doctor and/or speak with a child psychologist.
Bye for now,