Be the Person You Want Your Child to Be

Be the Person You Want Your Child to Be

 

 

As parents, we all want our children to grow up to be compassionate, kind, and responsible individuals. But have you ever stopped to think about the role you play in shaping their behaviour?

 

The Power of Mirror Neurons:

 

Did you know that children are like little sponges, absorbing everything around them? Research has shown that children mimic the emotions and behaviours of those closest to them. This phenomenon, known as mirror neurons, highlights the importance of modeling the behaviours and attitudes we wish to see in our children. If we want our little ones to be empathetic, respectful, and kind, it starts with us embodying those qualities ourselves.

 

Addressing Our Own Behaviour:

 

When we notice a behaviour in our child that we’re not particularly fond of, our immediate reaction might be to focus solely on correcting them. However, it is crucial to first reflect on whether this behaviour is inadvertently coming from us or another loved one. Perhaps, without realizing it, we have been demonstrating that behaviour ourselves. Addressing our own actions and emotions may be necessary before expecting our child to change.

 

Influencing Others:

 

It’s important to acknowledge that we can’t always change the behaviour of others, but we can certainly influence it. If you notice a behaviour in someone else that you don’t appreciate, talking to them calmly and expressing your concerns might eventually lead to positive change. Explaining to your child what you don’t like about someone else’s behaviour can also serve as a valuable teaching moment, helping them understand the importance of certain qualities and behaviours.

 

Apologizing and Embracing Mistakes:

 

Nobody is perfect, including parents. In fact, it is through our mistakes that we can teach our children valuable life lessons. As parents, we must be willing to label our mistakes and apologize to our children when necessary. By doing so, we demonstrate a crucial lesson in handling mistakes – taking responsibility, offering an apology, and showing our children how to own up to their own errors. Remember, children learn from our mistakes and how we deal with them.

 

Reflecting on Our Own Behaviour:

 

At times, we may notice unexpected behaviours in our children that leave us puzzled. However, it’s essential to reflect on our own behaviours and emotions to uncover potential triggers. Are we inadvertently exhibiting those behaviours in certain situations or with certain people? By examining our own actions, we can provide explanations for our children’s behaviour and work towards a solution together.

 

Conclusion:

 

In the journey of parenthood, we are the architects of our children’s character. To raise empathetic, responsible, and kind individuals, we must embody those qualities ourselves and be the person we want our child to be. Leading by example, addressing our own behaviour, fostering communication, and embracing our mistakes can guide our children towards leading fulfilling lives. Remember, by being the person you want your child to be, you are not only shaping their future but also making life easier and more enjoyable for the entire family.

Navigating Tantrums and Meltdowns: What is the Difference?

Navigating Tantrums and Meltdowns: What is the Difference?

 

As children grow and develop, they often experience strong emotions that they struggle to control. In these moments, it’s not uncommon for a child to have a “tantrum” or “meltdown”. While these terms are often used interchangeably, they refer to two different types of behaviour.

Tantrums and meltdowns are both responses to overwhelming emotions, but they differ in how they are expressed and what triggers them. Understanding these differences can help parents and caregivers respond more effectively and support children in developing better emotional regulation skills.

 

What is a tantrum?

A tantrum is a behaviour generally defined as emotional outbursts that involve screaming, crying, kicking, hitting, and other forms of physical expression. People typically throw tantrums when they are frustrated, want control over a situation, or want something they cannot have. 

 

What is a meltdown?

Meltdowns are also characterized by big emotional outbursts that result in kicking, hitting, vocal expressions, and other forms of physical expression. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are typically a result of being tired, hungry, needing connection, or having sensory overload. 

Meltdowns can often be associated with neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD); however, all people can have meltdowns. If your child is having a meltdown it does not mean that they may have a neurodevelopmental disorder. 

During a meltdown, a child may become completely overwhelmed and may display a range of behaviours that can be challenging for caregivers to manage. These behaviours may include crying, screaming, hitting, biting, throwing objects, or even self-injury.

 

What are the key differences between tantrums and meltdowns?

While both tantrums and meltdowns are expressions of intense emotion, there are key differences between them. Some of the key differences include:

  1. Tantrums are often triggered by external events, such as being told “no” or not getting what they want, while meltdowns are usually the result of internal triggers, such as sensory overload, hungry, or being tired.
  2. Children who are having tantrums are often seeking attention or control over a situation, while children experiencing a meltdown are typically unable to control their behaviour.
  3. Tantrums are usually shorter in duration, often lasting only a few minutes, while meltdowns can last much longer and may take hours to resolve.
  4. Tantrums are typically characterized by crying, screaming, and other forms of physical expression, while meltdowns may involve more extreme behaviour such as hitting, biting, or even self-injury.
 
How to respond to tantrums and meltdowns?

When a child is experiencing a meltdown, it’s important to prioritize their safety and help them regain a sense of calm. This may involve removing them from the situation, providing sensory input such as deep pressure or calming music, simply giving them space and time to calm down independently, or staying with them but doing nothing but being there (this does not work for all people).

During a meltdown, there may be times when you are doing everything in your toolbox to help calm your child, including standing on your head, and it does not help. In times like this, you may need to let your child ride out the meltdown while you make sure they do not hurt themselves or others. 

In both cases, it’s important to remember that every child is different and may respond differently to various strategies. 

 

If you need more guidance on how to distinguish a tantrum from a meltdown or would like strategies to reduce the number of temper tantrums or meltdowns, feel free to book a free 15-minute conversation with Brenda from Parenting Foundations.

Nap Recommendations: How Many and How Long?

Nap Recommendations: How Many and How Long?

 

I commonly get asked how many naps a child should be taking in a day. In this post, I will give a summary of the recommendations. Please note that some children may take more or fewer naps than the same aged peer.

The number of naps that your child takes during the day will depend on the following:

  1. How long your child can tolerate being awake from sleep to sleep (wake times).
  2. How long your child is napping.
  3. How much sleep your child is getting overnight.

 

Recommendations for the Number of Naps:

(These recommendations are based on a child’s age)

Birth to 4 months:  4 to 5 naps a day

4 to 6 months: 3 to 4 naps a day

6 to 8 months: 2 to 3 naps a day

8 months to 18 months: 1 to 2 naps a day

18 months to 36 months (3 years of age): 1 nap

 

Recommendations for the Optimal Length of Nap:

Birth and 8 months of age: 45 to 90 minutes per nap****

8 months to 18 months: 60 minutes to 90 minutes per nap

18 months to 3 years:  90 minutes to 2.5 hours*****

 

****It is not uncommon for a child to nap for 30 to 45 minutes. This just means they will need more naps during the day. I firmly believe a nap is a nap and in time things will get better. See more about this in the post called Crap Naps.

*****If a child takes a nap longer than 2.5 hours but it does not affect night sleep then all is good.

 

The video below summarizes the information above and gives a few more details. This was a video I did for the free Facebook Group Supportive Sleep Learning and Parenting that I am the main moderator of.

Feel free to reach out if you require additional support. You book a free 15-minute call with me to discuss your situation and I will let you know how I can help.