#parenting Archives - Parenting Foundations

Today is Kid Glove Day!

I am declaring that today, March 15th is International “Kid Gloves Day”.

You may have heard the saying “handle them with kid gloves”. When we are handling someone or something with Kid Gloves, we are being gentle, kind, and caring. This is a good motto for every day; some days this is key.

I think you know what I mean, there are some days that you just have to extra supportive and caring. We have many kid-glove days and moments in our home. It is not uncommon for me to say “today is a kid-glove kind of day”.

I can often tell by the look on our son’s face if kid-gloves are needed. Honestly, it can be heartbreaking when you see your little person’s face come out of the door from school and you can tell that it was a heavy/hard day. That is when you show up with a smile, open arms, and kid-gloves. I am never sure if this means we are staying longer to play after school or if we are beating the traffic home to have a snuggle and chat on the couch with our favourite snack in hand (usually dark chocolate).

Today, I believe the world could use a Kid Gloves Day.

It has been a year since the whole world shifted into a pandemic mode. Hand sanitizer, toilet paper, and many food staples were being scooped up and hard to buy. They were flying off the shelves! People began to cover their faces and refrain from close contact.

We have seen a number of people dying, becoming ill, or being afraid of becoming ill. It has been hard, heavy, and frightening at times.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

We are beginning to see the numbers of infected people dropping drastically. People are not dying as often as they were before. Vaccinations are happening.

Our social interactions are still limited. Hand sanitizer is still used. Masks are pretty normal at this time (I really miss seeing all the facial expressions).

So today is treat each other with Kid Gloves Day!!

Smile even if your lips are covered as your eyes will smile too! Air Hugs and Air High Fives for the win!! Treat everyone with an extra little kindness and then feel that pressure lift off your shoulders!

Nap Recommendations: How Many and How Long?

by Brenda McSween | Baby Sleep, Child Sleep, Naps, Sleep Training, Toddlers and Preschoolers

I commonly get asked how many naps a child should be taking in a day. In this post, I will give a summary of the recommendations. Please note that some children may take more or fewer naps than the same aged peer.

The number of naps that your child takes during the day will depend on the following:

How long your child can tolerate being awake from sleep to sleep (wake times).
How long your child is napping.
How much sleep your child is getting overnight.

Recommendations for the Number of Naps:

(These recommendations are based on a child’s age)

Birth to 4 months: 4 to 5 naps a day

4 to 6 months: 3 to 4 naps a day

6 to 8 months: 2 to 3 naps a day

8 months to 18 months: 1 to 2 naps a day

18 months to 36 months (3 years of age): 1 nap

Recommendations for the Optimal Length of Nap:

Birth and 8 months of age: 45 to 90 minutes per nap****

8 months to 18 months: 60 minutes to 90 minutes per nap

18 months to 3 years: 90 minutes to 2.5 hours*****

****It is not uncommon for a child to nap for 30 to 45 minutes. This just means they will need more naps during the day. I firmly believe a nap is a nap and in time things will get better. See more about this in the post called Crap Naps.

*****If a child takes a nap longer than 2.5 hours but it does not affect night sleep then all is good.

The video below summarizes the information above and gives a few more details. This was a video I did for the free Facebook Group Supportive Sleep Learning and Parenting that I am the main moderator of.

Feel free to reach out if you require additional support. You book a free 15-minute call with me to discuss your situation and I will let you know how I can help.

Parenting Styles: Conscious Parenting

by Brenda McSween | Infant, Newborn, Parenting, Toddlers and Preschoolers

In recent years, there has been an overwhelming amount of information about how our parenting can impact our children. There are times when the information presented can make you feel like a failure as a parent. This feeling then affects your ability to parent.

I have had several families contact me to get clarity on all the different parenting styles. One style that is on the rise in the media and parenting networks is Conscious Parenting.

It is not uncommon for me to hear…”WTF is Conscious Parenting?”.

Conscious Parenting in a Nutshell

Conscious Parenting’s main focus is not the child. Say what??? You read that correctly. The main focus with this parenting style is the parent.

It took me a bit of time to wrap my head around the difference between positive parenting, mindful parenting and conscious parenting. The biggest takeaway I have had from my research and practice of the different methods is that they all focus on a positive approach to parenting.

Both positive parenting and mindful parenting focus on interacting with your child in a way that helps your child produce the positive behaviour because you are focused on molding your child’s behaviour using positive interaction or you are aware of (mindful) of your child’s needs.

Conscious parenting focuses on your feelings and the way you are dealing with certain behaviours. It takes the pressure off trying to fix your child and focuses on fixing your view or the way you handle a certain situation.

Tell Me More….

When you are parenting in a Conscious manner you are analyzing and reviewing how your feelings are gearing your reactions or the way you help your child with undesired behaviour.

You look for triggers. I am constantly asking myself..”is this my issue or his?”.

A great example of this is when he struggled with the beginning of grade 2. He would come home pretty upset and concerned that he was not going to be able to complete his work.

After much reflecting I realized I was not helping. My school based anxieties were preventing me from listening to him. All he needed was a safe place to vent and then he was fine but I dragged it out. I was trying to help him learn to write properly and it was becoming a battle. I backed off and listened. Helped when he asked for it and in time things got much better. He felt confident and flourished at school.

As a Sleep Consultant I have a number of parents that I work with that take it personally if their child is not sleeping well. I help parents reduce the stress they put on themselves to improve their child’s sleep and the work on things in a slow progressive manner. Even infants feed off their parents emotions.

So to parent in a more conscious manner, it is important to work through your issues, identify ways that you can empower your child, set your child up with the tools needed to accomplish the desired behaviours and remove your emotions from the equation.

I actually find this style of parenting to be freeing and less exhausting. I can let way more things go and get the bottom of things way sooner. There is a lot of deep breathing going on.

Please feel free to reach out for support on how you may be able to parent in a more conscious manner.

Parenting: Clear the Way!

by Brenda McSween | Parenting

There are so many different ways that people choose to parent. There are two different styles that have made the news in the past few years that I want to discuss.

Most likely you have heard the term “Helicopter Parent”. This is one style I would like to discuss..

Helicopter Parenting??

A Helicopter Parent is a parent that hangs around and tries to do most things for their child. When their child is facing any sort of adversity they are they trying to fix it.

I have seen a number of examples of Helicopter parenting in my professional and personal life. I had to give my head a shake when Simon first started school to prevent myself from becoming a Helicopter parent.

When I was working in schools I would see the parents that were coming and talking to teachers or the principal about their child’s grades or unfinished assignment. When on the playground, I still see the parents that are right there and their child is 6 or 7. That is a Helicopter Parent!! The person that is constantly hovering around and fixing things for their child.

What happens with the children of Helicopter Parents?

Children that have helicopter parents are often looking for their parent to clear up any issues they have to deal with. They are not even sure how to deal with situations without their parent there.

These children are often looking for their parent to guide them or do it for them. They often do not feel like they can handle things on their own.

How can you prevent yourself from becoming a Helicopter Parent?

To prevent your child from looking to you to protect and fix things for them it is important to step back and let your child know that they can handle the situation.

Discussing possible solutions and empowering your child to problem solve will set your child up for success and prevent you from being a Helicopter.

The next type of Parenting I want to discuss is “Lawnmower Parenting”.

Lawnmower Parenting??

A Lawnmower parent is a parent that is trying to clear the way for their child to make sure their child does not have to deal with any issues. Adversity is moved out of the way and the child can breeze through without issue.

A good example of a Lawnmower parent is a parent that would pay to have their child be given a back door way into a school or sporting programming. (Trust me it happens more than you think…)

Another example is the parent who drops what they are doing to bring their child an item that forgot home. This child would not have to deal with the natural consequence of forgetting things at home.

What happens with the children of Lawnmower Parents?

These children are also very dependent on their parents. They can expect their parents to drop everything they are doing and focus solely on them.

“What do you mean you will not bring my homework to school?” This was something I actually heard a child saying on the phone to their parent. This particular parent was always bringing things to the school and realized she needed to stop as her child came to expect her mom to “rescue her”.

Often these children then expect that all adults will solve their issues. It become obvious very fast which of our older boys friends had lawnmower parents in university. These students were on their own and afraid to make decisions or completely reckless and unaware of the possible repercussions of their behaviour.

How can you prevent yourself from becoming a Lawnmower Parent?

Just like preventing yourself from being a helicopter parent, you can prevent yourself from being a lawnmower by standing back and allowing your child to try new things. Let them know they can try things and let them feel what happens when things do not go according to plan.

Let your child make a mistake and teach them how to learn from them. Mistakes are great!!

If you have any further questions about this, please send me a private message or post in the Facebook group.

Tantrums: A Different Perspective

by Brenda McSween | Child Behaviour, Parenting Tools

I have had the pleasure of working with Laura Karl and we share a similar belief system when it comes to tantrums. I am honoured to share her guest blog post with you.

How to respond to tantrums: a Holistic Life Coach’s perspective

Through my work at the Alberta Children’s Hospital, I have learned many many therapeutic interventions, but the most powerful one that I’ve learned through my Holistic Life Coaching practice and motherhood that can bring both the parent and child immediate relief is “holding the space”. When a child was in a full emotional meltdown, screaming and saying things they don’t mean, the only effective thing I could do in that moment was to find my centre, drop into my heart, be still, be calm, and just be there for the child. I would sit next to them and stay calm for the both of us.

I heard a great story tonight from one of my many life teachers. He told me a story about his dogs. He and his partner have 5 little dogs which they adore, but they like to bark for reasons they sometimes have no idea. He explained that he would respond by yelling back at them “hey stop it!”, “get back here”. Eventually, they went to a dog trainer for advice. The dog trainer told them that by yelling at them, you are essentially barking at them and they get the message from their pack leader that it is okay to bark. What the dogs actually need is a softer pack leader to stay calm so that they can return to a state of calm.

Now children obviously aren’t exactly like dogs, but the premise is the same. My child is still very young and although I am getting better at seeing the meltdown warning signs, it still seems to happen in the blink of an eye. In those moments when you observe their mood start to change and you’ve tried your best to keep the environment neutral, but a full on meltdown is already happening, the only thing you can do is hold the space. We parents want so badly to take the pain away for our children, which is a natural and very caring response. However, you can’t fight fire with fire right? Or all you are left with is fire! Get out of your head which is likely spinning with trying to figure this out, or to come up with solutions to make it stop, or wishing that this wasn’t happening yet again. Remember, kids are terrified of these feelings. They don’t want this any more than you do. So support them by taking a breath, dropping into your heart and finding your center, and just be there.

Okay parents, this takes practice! It’s not like you’re on some beach in Maui breathing in the salty fresh air, there is a child screaming in distress next to you. It’s like building any muscle and you have to work on it to get stronger. In those moments make sure the child is in a safe place, and then take a breath. Let the urge to fix or “bark back” wash over you – trust me, it will pass. Observe that urge, and then release it. You literally can feel the air change. In this moment, the most effective thing you can do is hold the space for your child. When they are ready, they will themselves release those emotions and be embraced by your calmness, lovingness, and peacefulness. Now breathe and give them and you a big hug.

With love,

Laura Karl, mother, Holistic Life Coach, Registered Nurse

www.thecoachinyou.ca

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