Be the Person You Want Your Child to Be

Be the Person You Want Your Child to Be

 

 

As parents, we all want our children to grow up to be compassionate, kind, and responsible individuals. But have you ever stopped to think about the role you play in shaping their behaviour?

 

The Power of Mirror Neurons:

 

Did you know that children are like little sponges, absorbing everything around them? Research has shown that children mimic the emotions and behaviours of those closest to them. This phenomenon, known as mirror neurons, highlights the importance of modeling the behaviours and attitudes we wish to see in our children. If we want our little ones to be empathetic, respectful, and kind, it starts with us embodying those qualities ourselves.

 

Addressing Our Own Behaviour:

 

When we notice a behaviour in our child that we’re not particularly fond of, our immediate reaction might be to focus solely on correcting them. However, it is crucial to first reflect on whether this behaviour is inadvertently coming from us or another loved one. Perhaps, without realizing it, we have been demonstrating that behaviour ourselves. Addressing our own actions and emotions may be necessary before expecting our child to change.

 

Influencing Others:

 

It’s important to acknowledge that we can’t always change the behaviour of others, but we can certainly influence it. If you notice a behaviour in someone else that you don’t appreciate, talking to them calmly and expressing your concerns might eventually lead to positive change. Explaining to your child what you don’t like about someone else’s behaviour can also serve as a valuable teaching moment, helping them understand the importance of certain qualities and behaviours.

 

Apologizing and Embracing Mistakes:

 

Nobody is perfect, including parents. In fact, it is through our mistakes that we can teach our children valuable life lessons. As parents, we must be willing to label our mistakes and apologize to our children when necessary. By doing so, we demonstrate a crucial lesson in handling mistakes – taking responsibility, offering an apology, and showing our children how to own up to their own errors. Remember, children learn from our mistakes and how we deal with them.

 

Reflecting on Our Own Behaviour:

 

At times, we may notice unexpected behaviours in our children that leave us puzzled. However, it’s essential to reflect on our own behaviours and emotions to uncover potential triggers. Are we inadvertently exhibiting those behaviours in certain situations or with certain people? By examining our own actions, we can provide explanations for our children’s behaviour and work towards a solution together.

 

Conclusion:

 

In the journey of parenthood, we are the architects of our children’s character. To raise empathetic, responsible, and kind individuals, we must embody those qualities ourselves and be the person we want our child to be. Leading by example, addressing our own behaviour, fostering communication, and embracing our mistakes can guide our children towards leading fulfilling lives. Remember, by being the person you want your child to be, you are not only shaping their future but also making life easier and more enjoyable for the entire family.

Back to School: Safe Place to Land

Back to School: Safe Place to Land

Back-to-school season is upon us. Some children are already back to school and some are preparing for this adventure to begin! This can be a huge adjustment for our precious little ones. Often our little, and not-so-little, ones do not have the words to express their worries, questions, fears or excitement. This is where the safe place to let things out comes in.

 
How can you help if they do not tell you what they need?

Let’s put this in perspective. You have just started a new job. Imagine all the emotions you go through. It is hard for you to pinpoint what exactly is causing you angst but you can at least state “I am nervous”. Then you start to verbally unload on a friend or family member. After that conversation, you feel so much better.

Children are famous for acting out their feelings as opposed to talking. The first weeks back to school, I would recommend that you are prepared for many different emotional outbursts to happen. Know that these emotional responses are your child’s way of dealing with the changes. They have absolutely nothing to do with you!

Your child may seem absolutely fine when they get home, then all of a sudden they are freaking out because their sibling touched them him or the couch is not comfortable or ……(you get the point). Just know that this is to be expected. Being the safe place for your child to unload emotionally will benefit them in the long run.

 
Does this mean that you can’t explain that the outbursts are not acceptable??

No. It means that you can help your child learn that they are reacting to things instead of dealing with their emotions from the day. It is the whole concept of being “proactive instead of reactive”.

One of the most helpful things that I have found is to ask the question “I am wondering if…”. I will often state “I am wondering if you are tired or hungry”. Also, labeling what you see is important. “Man I am noticing that when you get home from school you get angry”.

 
How can you help your child cope with all this emotion?
  1. If your child is one that loves hugs, meet them with open arms!
  2. Have a snack prepared so your child does not get “hangry”.
  3. Plan a low-key evening for the first few weeks.
  4. Put your phone or other electronics away and give your child your attention.
  5. Engage in some fun play or roughhousing. Laughter can be just as therapeutic as crying.
  6. Let your child guide his play with you for about 10 to 15 minutes. Child Directed play rocks!

 

I encourage you to be your child’s safe place to land at the end of the day! Slowly over time, you will see a major reduction in your child’s emotional reactions. This will be your cue that your child is beginning to adjust to the new grade. If the behaviour does not change then I would recommend reaching out for additional supports.

3 Magic Little Words

3 Magic Little Words

Do you ever feel like there is so much going on that you do not know where to start or that you will never get things accomplished? This can be the start of major overwhelm! And guess what???….

THIS IS A NORMAL FEELING!

Many people go through this and it can be extremely stressful. As parents, this feeling can happen often. This is true for stay-at-home moms/dads, work-from-home moms/dads, working moms/dads, foster parents, step-parents, etc.

It even happens to me!! Yes, you heard that correctly. I am normal (at least I believe I am 😛 ).

Now that the cat is out of the bag, what can we do about it??

Perspective is important! Rethink the way you think. …huh????

When I find myself saying “I have to……”. The list becomes so long that no one will be able to accomplish it. Then replace “I have to” with…

“I GET TO”

Yes, that is correct. I will say “I get to prepare lunch”, or “I get to play with the little man”. You get the point. This word change helps immensely. Even at 3 am when our little man needs to be tucked back into bed.

So if you are in the midst of sleep-teaching your child, trying to figure out your child’s behavior, overwhelmed at work, and have a to-do list that is getting bigger by the moment please remember to breathe and say “I get to”.

This simple word shift can cause you to have a different perspective about the task at hand. When we are able to look at things in a more positive light the overwhelm reduces and we often feel better able to cope. I hope you are able to have a wonderful day and change your perspective if needed.

All the best!

 

White Noise or Not?

White Noise or Not?

There seems to be this constant issue where something is good for a bit; then, bang now it is bad.  I have also seen when bad things are now good (do not introduce certain foods until 1, now do it as soon as you introduce solids).  Let the confusion about what to do with a baby happen again: Should you use or not use a white noise machine or device?

If something is too loud it can affect a child’s hearing.  Now do I think you should run into your child’s room and remove the white noise device you are using, NO!  I do think you should make sure it is not on a loud setting and it is placed away from your child’s crib, bassinet, or bed.

What is the purpose of white noise anyways?  In my opinion, the purpose of white noise is to reduce the effect everyday noises have on a child’s ability to remain asleep.  The steady quiet hum in the background appears to reduce the number of times my child is startled awake.  I have put a fan on in my little man’s room since he was just over 6 months.  This has reduced the amount of tip-toeing the other people in the house have had to partake in.

Here are some of the tips/points to consider if you choose to use white noise:

  1. It should be on a low setting.
  2. The device should not be right beside your child.
  3. Constant is better than intermittent.  Some children will wake up if the white noise shuts off.
  4. If your child really likes the background noise you may find yourself having to pack a white noise machine or similar device when you travel.

Ultimately, the final decision is up to you as a parent.  If you are concerned, do not hesitate to remove the device or talk to your child’s doctor.  I hope this post has reduced your questions or sense of uncertainty around using white noise as a tool in your home.

Happy sleeping, everyone!!

 

 

 

Put a lid on it..

Put a lid on it..

 

How can we help our little ones regulate their emotion?

 

The amount of energy that comes out of the bodies of little children can be absolutely amazing and overwhelming at the same time. There are many times when we end up saying..”would you just stop” when your child is getting angry, whining, or not getting their way. This is similar to putting a lid on a boiling pot.

A child that is asked to stop and is not given the chance to let get of the pent-up feelings and energy is a recipe for an explosion (otherwise known as a tantrum). Does this mean that we should not say “stop”? In a perfect world that would be the case.

Since this world is far from perfect let us be real about this for a few minutes. There will be times when you will have to quickly deal with a situation and then move on. This will happen when you are shopping, at a restaurant, running errands, or just do not have the patience. Therefore; in this case, you will be putting a lid on your child’s emotions.

We all know that putting a lid on a boiling pot is a temporary fix. If the pot is still on the heat it will boil over. When your child is just suppressing the emotion the explosion will happen over the next thing that causes frustration, anger or upset.

If you are feeling overwhelmed as a parent just imagine what could be happening inside that little human’s body. So what can you do…

 
Connect

The first step is to connect with your little one. Stop what you are doing and really pay attention to your child. This can take just a few seconds. Make eye contact and use a calm voice when chatting with your child. Getting down to your child’s level or bringing the child to your level will have a huge impact.

Empathize

The next step is to empathize. “I see that you are angry (insert proper emotion here), it is hard to be ____”.

Be Present

Offer a hug or just sit with your child.

Help or Give Space

Then offer to help them if they need help. If they are just having a moment, let the moment happen. Your little one may need to just express the emotion. Yes, I am saying let the tantrum happen.

I often compare a tantrum with an adult dropping an “f bomb”. It feels really good to verbalize the frustration. Our children struggle with verbally expressing themselves. They will use their behavior to express themselves until closer to age 8 (even then talking can be tough). Once the tantrum is done they can move on and feel really good about it.

Move on?? Don’t consequence??

This is when I hear lots of people say “is that not going to spoil a child, there needs to be a consequence”. Stay firm on your expectation but there does not need to be a consequence (being firm is consequence enough). The lesson in this process is that your child can express themselves; however, you still hold firm to your expectation. Your child will earn that you will not change your mind and they are still expected to follow through with your request.