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Ditch the Schedule: Why Summer Routines Work Better Than Schedules

by Brenda McSween | Child Development, Parenting, Parenting Tools, Transitions

Summer starts with high hopes.
“We’ll keep bedtime consistent.”
“We’ll follow a schedule.”
“We’ll stay on track.”

Then… reality hits.

By week two, your kid is still in pyjamas at 11:00 a.m., you’ve heard “I’m hungry” 17 times before noon, and you’re wondering if anyone in the house knows what day it is. (Spoiler: They don’t.)

Here’s the truth I want to shout from the sunscreen-splattered rooftops:
You don’t need a rigid schedule to create calm. You need a flexible routine.

Routines Offer Rhythm—Without the Rigidity

Think of routines as the gentle rhythm that guides your day.
They’re not about specific times; they’re about predictable sequences.

Instead of “Lunch at 12:00,” try “Lunch after outside time.”
Instead of “Bath at 7:00,” try “Bath after dinner and play.”
Instead of “Screen time from 2:00 to 2:30,” try “Screen time after quiet play or chores.”

These routines anchor your day, giving your child a sense of stability while giving you some breathing room when things don’t go according to plan. And let’s be honest—summer is the season of things not going according to plan.

Why Routines Work So Well in Summer

They offer predictability. Kids thrive when they know what’s coming next—even if the clock isn’t running the show.
They allow for flexibility. No stress if you’re late getting out the door or the sprinkler play goes long.
They help with transitions. “After lunch comes quiet time” is a lot easier than dragging a child away from Lego because “it’s 1:00.”
They reduce power struggles. Kids love control. When they know the rhythm, they feel more in control—without needing to be in control.

How to Build a Simple Summer Routine

Start with natural anchor points in your day:

Wake up
Meals
Outside time or outings
Quiet time or screen time
Bath + bedtime wind-down

Then decide what typically happens after each one. That’s your sequence. No alarms needed.

Here’s a basic example:

Wake up → breakfast → outside time
Lunch → quiet play or screens
Snack → creative play or outing
Dinner → bath → books → bed

You can swap, shift, or stretch based on your family’s needs. That’s the beauty of it.

The Goal Isn’t Perfection—It’s Connection

Summer doesn’t have to feel chaotic. It also doesn’t have to run like a military operation.
Let go of the pressure to schedule every moment and start creating a rhythm that fits your unique family.

If you want help figuring out your summer flow (especially if sleep is off the rails), I’d love to support you.
Whether it’s setting up a routine, troubleshooting bedtime, or finding that elusive middle ground between chaos and control—I’ve got your back.

Let me know: Does your family thrive more with routines or schedules? I love hearing how different households make it work.

Routines or Schedules: What Works Best for Your Household?

by Brenda McSween | Parenting

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding a balance between routines and schedules can be a game-changer for families.

Both routines and schedules play crucial roles in creating a stable and nurturing environment for children, but they serve different purposes and offer unique benefits. Understanding the distinction between the two and how to implement them effectively can help your family thrive.

What Are Routines?

Routines are the regular, predictable activities that happen every day. They are the backbone of daily life, providing a sense of security and stability. Routines are less about specific times and more about the sequence of activities. For example, a bedtime routine might include brushing teeth, reading a story, and then lights out. The focus is on the order of events rather than the exact time they occur.

Benefits of Routines:

1. Security and Stability:

Routines provide a sense of predictability, which can be comforting for children. Knowing what comes next helps reduce anxiety and creates a sense of security.

2. Independence:

When children know what to expect, they can start to take responsibility for their own actions. For instance, a child who knows the bedtime routine can begin to brush their teeth and get ready for bed without constant reminders.

3. Skill Development:

Routines help children develop important life skills. For example, a morning routine that includes making the bed and getting dressed teaches responsibility and self-care.

4. Family Bonding:

Routines can create special moments for family bonding. A consistent bedtime story or a family dinner can become cherished traditions that strengthen family ties.

What Are Schedules?

Schedules, on the other hand, are more about timing. They involve planning specific activities at specific times. A schedule might include waking up at 7:00 AM, breakfast at 7:30 AM, and school drop-off at 8:00 AM. Schedules are particularly useful for managing busy days and ensuring that all necessary activities are completed.

Benefits of Schedules:

1. Time Management:

Schedules help families manage their time effectively. By allocating specific times for activities, you can ensure that everything gets done without feeling rushed or overwhelmed.

2. Consistency:

Schedules provide a consistent framework for the day. This consistency can be especially important for children who thrive on routine and predictability.

3. Productivity:

Having a schedule can increase productivity by reducing downtime and ensuring that important tasks are prioritized.

4. Flexibility:

While schedules provide structure, they can also be adjusted as needed. If an unexpected event occurs, you can rearrange the schedule to accommodate it.

Finding the Balance

While both routines and schedules offer valuable benefits, finding the right balance between the two is key. Here are some tips to help you strike that balance:

1. Start with Routines:

Begin by establishing strong routines for key parts of the day, such as morning, bedtime, and mealtimes. These routines will provide a stable foundation for your family’s daily life.

2. Introduce Schedules Gradually:

Once your routines are in place, start to introduce schedules for specific activities. For example, you might schedule homework time, extracurricular activities, and family outings.

3. Be Flexible:

Life is unpredictable, and it’s important to be flexible with both routines and schedules. If something unexpected comes up, don’t be afraid to adjust your plans. Flexibility is key to maintaining a healthy balance.

4. Involve Your Children:

Include your children in the process of creating routines and schedules. This involvement can help them feel more invested and responsible for following the plan.

5. Monitor and Adjust:

Regularly review your routines and schedules to see what’s working and what isn’t. Be open to making changes as needed to better meet your family’s needs.

Practical Examples

Morning Routine:

– Wake up
– Brush teeth
– Get dressed
– Eat breakfast
– Pack school bag

Morning Schedule:

– 7:00 AM: Wake up
– 7:15 AM: Brush teeth and get dressed
– 7:30 AM: Eat breakfast
– 7:45 AM: Pack school bag
– 8:00 AM: Leave for school

Bedtime Routine:

– Take a bath
– Put on pajamas
– Read a story
– Lights out

Bedtime Schedule:

– 7:00 PM: Take a bath
– 7:15 PM: Put on pajamas
– 7:30 PM: Read a story
– 8:00 PM: Lights out

Conclusion

Routines and schedules are both essential tools for creating a stable and nurturing environment for your family. Routines provide the security and predictability that children need, while schedules help manage time and ensure that important tasks are completed. By finding the right balance between the two, you can create a harmonious and productive daily life for your family. Remember to be flexible, involve your children in the process, and regularly review and adjust your plans to meet your family’s evolving needs. With the right approach, routines and schedules can help your family soar.

Back to School: Safe Place to Land

by Brenda McSween | Parenting

Back-to-school season is upon us. Some children are already back to school and some are preparing for this adventure to begin! This can be a huge adjustment for our precious little ones. Often our little, and not-so-little, ones do not have the words to express their worries, questions, fears or excitement. This is where the safe place to let things out comes in.

How can you help if they do not tell you what they need?

Let’s put this in perspective. You have just started a new job. Imagine all the emotions you go through. It is hard for you to pinpoint what exactly is causing you angst but you can at least state “I am nervous”. Then you start to verbally unload on a friend or family member. After that conversation, you feel so much better.

Children are famous for acting out their feelings as opposed to talking. The first weeks back to school, I would recommend that you are prepared for many different emotional outbursts to happen. Know that these emotional responses are your child’s way of dealing with the changes. They have absolutely nothing to do with you!

Your child may seem absolutely fine when they get home, then all of a sudden they are freaking out because their sibling touched them him or the couch is not comfortable or ……(you get the point). Just know that this is to be expected. Being the safe place for your child to unload emotionally will benefit them in the long run.

Does this mean that you can’t explain that the outbursts are not acceptable??

No. It means that you can help your child learn that they are reacting to things instead of dealing with their emotions from the day. It is the whole concept of being “proactive instead of reactive”.

One of the most helpful things that I have found is to ask the question “I am wondering if…”. I will often state “I am wondering if you are tired or hungry”. Also, labeling what you see is important. “Man I am noticing that when you get home from school you get angry”.

How can you help your child cope with all this emotion?

If your child is one that loves hugs, meet them with open arms!
Have a snack prepared so your child does not get “hangry”.
Plan a low-key evening for the first few weeks.
Put your phone or other electronics away and give your child your attention.
Engage in some fun play or roughhousing. Laughter can be just as therapeutic as crying.
Let your child guide his play with you for about 10 to 15 minutes. Child Directed play rocks!

I encourage you to be your child’s safe place to land at the end of the day! Slowly over time, you will see a major reduction in your child’s emotional reactions. This will be your cue that your child is beginning to adjust to the new grade. If the behaviour does not change then I would recommend reaching out for additional supports.

Traveling with a Child

by Brenda McSween | Child Behaviour, Parenting Tools, Traveling with children

Traveling with young children is an amazing opportunity to create so many memories with your children. The most memorable memories for you may be when your child is throwing himself/herself down on the floor in the airport or screaming bloody murder of the plane! Unfortunately, these things do happen!

Toddlers are going through some major developmental changes, which can contribute, to their increased tantrums. At this stage of development, our little ones have discovered that they can do things themselves. They have gone from having things done for them, to trying to figure out how to do things themselves. During this learning period, children will often throw a number of tantrums out of frustration, exhaustion, hunger, worrying about what is happening next, etc.

So how can you deal with these behaviors while you are traveling?

There are basically two types of strategies that you can use. These strategies can be broken down into 2 different types of reactions. The reactions are as follows:

1. Proactive Reactions:

A proactive reaction is when you consciously choose to do things that may help with your child’s feelings that can stop your child’s need to tantrum to express his/her feelings.

Some examples of Proactive Reactions are:

Having snacks ready at any given moment. “Hangry” is a real thing.
Giving your child reminders of what is happening next. Warnings of when they will have to transfer on to the plane. A warning before preparing for take-off and landing so the seat is in the right position.
Play for a minimum of 10 minutes with your child. This is child-directed play! This can happen on the plane, in the airport, on the bus, in a vehicle, and so on. The child led play adds to your child’s feeling of connection with you. This simple act has a powerful impact on your child’s day.
Bringing a transitional object with them like a blanket or stuffy that provides comfort when you can’t.
Keeping to a routine that is similar to home when possible. This simply means having meals, snacks, and naps in the same order that they occur at home. I fully expect that these meals, snacks, and naps may be happening on the fly!

2. Reactive Reactions:

A reactive reaction is what you do after the tantrum has occurred or while it is in progress.

Some examples of Reactive Reactions are:

Distraction is a common tactic used. There is a time and a place to use this technique. In the middle of a crowded area or in an unsafe place like the water or in the street. With the distraction, you may find that your child has a few more tantrums before he/ she seems ready to move on. I used to carry a few toys in my purse or backpack that I could pull out and use in these moments. If you are willing a movie or tv show can be a great distraction on the plane.
Giving your child a few minutes on his/her own to calm down and process the moment. I personally find that timeouts are not effective when we are in a strange place. An alternative is to use time in. Time in is which is when you go with your child when he/she is taking a break away from the activity where the tantrum occurred.
Letting the tantrum happen and then offering comfort when it is done. This can be referred to as offering connection. Children will often tantrum when they feel that their connection with a loved one has been affected.

As with all things related to children, you will find that some strategies work really well for one child and not well for another child. With time and patience, you will discover what works best for your child. I wish you all the best traveling with your child!

“Turn off my brain”

by Brenda McSween | Child Sleep, Parenting, School Age, Toddlers and Preschoolers

The first time our son said “Mommy can you help me turn off my brain” my heart felt like it weighed 1000lbs. I scooped him up and gave him a huge hug. We chatted for a bit and I introduced a few techniques to teach him how to stop the racing thoughts he was experiencing (more on this later).

Our son has always been a young one that thought things through or over thinks. I have had to have many conversations with him that his friends have just not asked. Saying things like “that will not happen” or “do not worry about that” just does not work.

Here is an example of something he has said:

I am giving him his snuggle before bed and he was about 5 years old. I was going out with a friend that evening. He says “what happens if you do not come home?” and I reply “I will”. Then he says “what if you do not?”. Knowing him I then said, “Your Daddy will take care of you”. You can imagine the next question, “what if something happens to Daddy?”.

Okay, time to pick up my heart off the floor and cancel my night out.

That would have been one solution. Instead, we talked about the plan of who would care for him if something happened to one or both of us. This helped him and he was able to go to sleep. Taking the time to process and not get frustrated was key in this situation.

It does seem like a number of these conversations come up at bedtime. I could be extremely frustrated by bedtime stalling but instead, I choose to see that bedtime is when he lays there and thinks. (This could be a family trait 🙂 )

So what do I do to help him??

Well, I have taught him some strategies to change his thought patterns. How do you do this with a child?

1. Hear what he has to say.

2. Be Empathetic: “that sounds scary”, “wow that is hard”, “that is a yucky thought”.

3. Offer comfort: “would you like a hug”.

4. Get him to think about something funny or guide him to happier thoughts.

5. Turn on a guided meditative story so he has something else to focus on.

6. Check in after a few minutes to let him know I am there

7. Move on

Some additional strategies:

1. Talk Time: Have a time you set aside each day for your child to discuss anything that is bothering them. We do this at supper.

2. Worry Box: your child can write down or draw (or have you write down) their worries and put the papers in a box.

3. Worry Dolls or Rocks: Give your child a small rock or doll to tell their worries too. Then the item gets placed in a safe place (under their pillow or and the dresser). The item takes the worries from the child.

4. Deep Breathing: “smell the flower and blow out the candle”.

5. Guided meditation: There are a number of good apps that can help you teach your child how to meditate or you can lead by example.

If you have a little thinker and would like more support feel free to join Parenting Foundations Membership or book a free 15-minute call to learn how you can work with Brenda from Parenting Foundations.